| WEDDING ETIQUETTE & TIPS |
| Family Etiquette |
Introducing Your Parents
If the bride and groom's parents have not met prior to the engagement, tradition dictates that the groom's
family calls and introduces themselves to the bride's family and arranges a meeting. If the groom's parents
do not make the first introduction, then the bride's parents should. Nowadays, who makes the first call is
irrelevant; all that really matters is that the parents meet. If meeting face to face is impossible, a letter or
phone call will suffice.
Introducing Divorced Parents
If the groom's parents are divorced, the parent with the closest relationship to the groom should take the first
step in meeting the bride's parents. If both sets are divorced, the parent closest to the groom should first
contact the bride's suggested parent. If no one begins the introduction process, the couple should step in
and ensure that everyone meets, while refraining from forcing potentially awkward situations.
Your In-Laws
The groom's parents often feel left out of the planning process. To avoid this, invite your future in-laws into the
initial dialogue. You should immediately inform them of your ideas regarding location, date, size and style of
the wedding. Take queues on their desired level of involvement, and include them accordingly. Let them
make offers to pitch in with finances or planning. Above all, keep them informed throughout your engagement.
If the bride and groom's parents have not met prior to the engagement, tradition dictates that the groom's
family calls and introduces themselves to the bride's family and arranges a meeting. If the groom's parents
do not make the first introduction, then the bride's parents should. Nowadays, who makes the first call is
irrelevant; all that really matters is that the parents meet. If meeting face to face is impossible, a letter or
phone call will suffice.
Introducing Divorced Parents
If the groom's parents are divorced, the parent with the closest relationship to the groom should take the first
step in meeting the bride's parents. If both sets are divorced, the parent closest to the groom should first
contact the bride's suggested parent. If no one begins the introduction process, the couple should step in
and ensure that everyone meets, while refraining from forcing potentially awkward situations.
Your In-Laws
The groom's parents often feel left out of the planning process. To avoid this, invite your future in-laws into the
initial dialogue. You should immediately inform them of your ideas regarding location, date, size and style of
the wedding. Take queues on their desired level of involvement, and include them accordingly. Let them
make offers to pitch in with finances or planning. Above all, keep them informed throughout your engagement.
| Invitation Etiquette |
Inviting partners and guests
If an invited guest is married, engaged or living with a significant other, that partner must be included in the
invitation. A single invitation addressed to both individuals should be sent to spouses or couples who live
together, while separate invitations should be sent to each member of an engaged or long term couple who
don't live together. Inviting single guests with a date is a thoughtful gesture, but one that is not required. If you
are inviting a single guest with a date, try to find out the name of your friend's intended date and include that
person's name on the invitation. Otherwise, inner envelopes may include "And Guest," indicating that he or
she may bring any chosen escort or friend.
If an invited guest is married, engaged or living with a significant other, that partner must be included in the
invitation. A single invitation addressed to both individuals should be sent to spouses or couples who live
together, while separate invitations should be sent to each member of an engaged or long term couple who
don't live together. Inviting single guests with a date is a thoughtful gesture, but one that is not required. If you
are inviting a single guest with a date, try to find out the name of your friend's intended date and include that
person's name on the invitation. Otherwise, inner envelopes may include "And Guest," indicating that he or
she may bring any chosen escort or friend.
Invitations to out-of-town guests
Many brides ponder whether or not it's appropriate to invite long distance guests for whom it may be impossible to attend. Use your best
judgment. Is this person truly a close friend who would want to attend your celebration? If so, failing to extend an invitation may be
insulting. Remember, these days friends and family are often spread all over the country, and people are accustomed to traveling. On the
other hand, if you haven't spoken in years, an invitation may look like no more than a request for a gift. In those cases, send a wedding
announcement instead, which carries no gift-giving obligation.
judgment. Is this person truly a close friend who would want to attend your celebration? If so, failing to extend an invitation may be
insulting. Remember, these days friends and family are often spread all over the country, and people are accustomed to traveling. On the
other hand, if you haven't spoken in years, an invitation may look like no more than a request for a gift. In those cases, send a wedding
announcement instead, which carries no gift-giving obligation.
| Gift Giving Etiquette |
Yes, we all love to receive gifts, and weddings are a perfect occasion for gift-giving. Friends and loved ones customarily honor the
commitment of the newly betrothed by showering them with gifts. As the happy couple, just remember to always feel privileged—not
entitled. So, let's review a bit of etiquette as it relates to wedding gifts:
commitment of the newly betrothed by showering them with gifts. As the happy couple, just remember to always feel privileged—not
entitled. So, let's review a bit of etiquette as it relates to wedding gifts:
- Never mention gifts (gift choices or gift registry) on the invitation.
- Publicize your registry information by word of mouth. It's also acceptable to include it on a wedding website or shower invitation
(since showers are not typically hosted by the bride or groom) - There is no polite way to ask for cash gifts. This can only be done through word of mouth.
- Honeymoon registries are appropriate.
- Do not use any gifts until after a wedding.
- All gifts, even shower gifts, must be returned if the wedding is cancelled or annulled before living together as a married couple.
- Gift giving for vow renewal, reaffirmation ceremonies or encore weddings is not mandatory, but is a nice gesture.
- There is no special formula for determining the appropriate amount a guest should spend on a gift. The idea that each gift
should cost as much as one plate at the reception is an impractical misconception.
| Attire Etiquette |
While rules for modern wedding attire have evolved with the times, there are still traditional standards for fabrics, lengths and styles.
Here are some guidelines:
Here are some guidelines:
- The formality of your bridesmaids' dresses should match that of your wedding dress. Although traditionally the dresses were the
same length as the wedding gown, the rise in popularity of tea- and knee-length bridesmaids' dresses has relaxed that rule. As
long as the fabric and overall style matches the formality of your floor-length gown, shorter bridesmaids' dresses are perfectly
acceptable. - For evening weddings, guests should dress for a nice dinner or event - which includes suits (or black tie) for men and dresses
or skirts in sophisticated colors and fabrics for women. Lengths can vary according to the style of the event and location. Female
guests may now wear black, but never white.
| The Cash Bar Issue |
Yes, weddings are expensive. Yes, couples should be on the lookout for budget saving tips. Yes, weddings are expensive - we know.
But never - under any circumstances - should you ever consider hosting a cash bar at your reception. Think about it - you would never
ask anyone to pay for a cocktail in your own home. People at your reception are still your guests, even if the event is not held in your
house. That said, if a full bar is not within your budget, consider these alternatives:
But never - under any circumstances - should you ever consider hosting a cash bar at your reception. Think about it - you would never
ask anyone to pay for a cocktail in your own home. People at your reception are still your guests, even if the event is not held in your
house. That said, if a full bar is not within your budget, consider these alternatives:
- Host a soft bar, in which guests can order champagne, beer and wine.
- Find a reception site that allows you to bring in your own alcohol; you will save serious cash, and anything unopened can be
returned for a full refund. - Cut down the size of your guest list - the only significant way to reduce costs in the first place.
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